I Don't Know Nothing About Anything

I just had a conversation with a co-worker that left me feeling like I don’t know anything. Truth be told, I really don’t know a lot for a 31 year old woman, I am not very “worldly” I am not one of those people who know a lot of random facts about various things, I don’t have incredible street smarts, and my book smarts are lacking as well.
What I do have is an analytical mind. I question everything. And I can read people pretty well, I have a knack for understanding the human psyche. I hope that these are qualities that will help me to be a good teacher. I hope.
I guess the conversation with this co-worker set my confidence off balance a bit because she is one of those people who is a bit of a know it all, and seems to find a strange enjoyment out of “one upping”. She always has this condescending tone to everything she says and I really don’t like talking to her about teaching because quite frankly, she ruins it for me- drains any ounce of enthuisiasm I have from my mind and drives in all the negative things about the profession (her mother was a special ed art teacher at an inner city school and apparently had some very bad experiences- because I only hear about how horrible it was.) Then, she always ends the conversation with one last little jab, something like, "but who knows, maybe your experience will be different," right before she walks away. I've had similar encounters with her many times, but today she really attacked at a different level. Normally she just paints a depressing image of the profession, but today she called me out on my competency. And that is why I am left writing this post, now critical of my own beliefs about myself.
The truth of the matter is that nobody is capable of “making” another person feel anything, feelings come from within, they are not forced upon us. All she has done is brought to the surface some weaknesses deep with in me. Whatever her reasons for being the way she is are surely self satisfying and have nothing to do with me at all, yet I feel so exposed for all that I am not.
I am, underneath it all, a bit of an optimist (or naïve) though and I want to learn and grow from the way I am feeling right at this moment. Maybe that is what sets teachers apart from other professionals, is the desire to turn anything and everything into an opportunity to learn something, and that’s exactly what it comes down to.
I feel a strong pull towards teaching because I see life as one giant opportunity to learn about one's self. I will never think that I know everything, I don’t believe it’s possible. I will know much more in ten years from now than I do at this moment but it will still only be a minute fraction of all the things there is to learn from life.
If I can impart this passion for seeking knowledge to students, then I feel I will have done my job, but then there is the reality. Sharing a passion for knowledge within the public school system is just a side issue. My technical job, as I am coming to find out, will really be to teach children random pre-determined facts about various subjects so that they can pass several tests. It’s these pre-determined subject areas that concern me the most.
I am not an expert at history, geography, math or science. Literature and reading have always been my thing because it is the only place where my lucid thought process serves me well. But I learn quick and even more quickly when I am in a position to make another understand. I have 2.5 years left in my college career, and by the time I complete school, I will have a greater general knowledge of these subjects, but it’s likely that I won’t be an expert in every subject I am expected to teach. Going into teaching, I figure this is normal. I figure that I might, at times, have to learn and master the material myself just days before I teach it. And I am good at this, I am good at researching and developing a mini expertise on a specific subject.
I am well aware of where all my many weaknesses are, in subject content and in confidence. I work on it every day. I read, I listen I think about everything that might effect me as a teacher. Yet somehow, I let a mere conversation get under my skin. And honestly, it has forced me to confront my lack of knowledge. Do I really know enough about life to teach?
That is where I am at today. I haven’t decided if questioning my own adequacy is a good thing or a bad thing-after all, questioning oneself is the catalyst for continual improvement and growth. Maybe I should just take a step back and start focusing on improving my basic subject knowledge. Maybe I just let my excitement to reach the end result get the best of me, that I am not taking in the important milestones along the way.